omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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