I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
