we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
