the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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