I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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