Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
