he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
