and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
