You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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