sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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