Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
