Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
