felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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