I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
