I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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