now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
