two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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