I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
