There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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