you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
