just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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