yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
