I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
