we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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