New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
