this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
