If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
