fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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