wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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