it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
