I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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