i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
