Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
