You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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