So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
