Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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