this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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