tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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