at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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