PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
