I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
