forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
