Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
