I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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