The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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