i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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