At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
