She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
