you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
