From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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